Barred: K&M

When: Saturday, 10pm-2am
Drinks: multiple gin and tonics interspersed with cans of Rolling Rock.

An evening that started with a free wine tasting event, a thoroughly middle age-approved activity, soon devolved.

If you think that I’m sabotaging myself by visiting so many bars in Williamsburg, you would be correct. I used to refer to the neighborhood as The Shire because everyone I knew who lived there seemed incapable of leaving its confines for socializing.  And now that I’m a resident I’ve started falling into the trap because there are multiple walkable options (mostly in the same genre, granted) and I’m lazy because I’m old.

This wasn’t my choice, though. K&M, was the site of a friend’s 41st birthday party (as well as her 36th, if I’m remembering correctly) ensuring that there would be an age-appropriate pocket by default. Once the night took off, though, and the sports bar atmosphere morphed into a dance party, the grown-up level dipped sharply. My working theory is that anyplace where dancing erupts will turn gross by 2am and be  unabashedly adult-repellant.

And anyplace where a DJ thinks Matthew Wilder’s “Break My Stride” is acceptable, is a huge red flag. In 1984, my grandma liked that song very much. That same year, Depends were introduced to the world. At some point closer to 1990 the jaunty reggae-inflected song was used to advertise adult undergarments and “ain’t nothin’ gonna slow me down” took on new meaning. 

Because I didn’t diaper-up beforehand (I would be more partial to Poise, frankly) my bladder eventually got the better of me and as a result I inadvertently got drug-doing kids booted out of the ladies’ room. The bartender yelled at me when I gave up waiting and started walking into the men’s room. Dude, there’s a mixed-sex group of nine in the bathroom and I just want to pee. Save your gender rule-enforcing for the appropriate party.

It’s possible that I misheard the two twentysomething men saying goodbyes on the corner, but I’m 98% certain they said, “We’ll meet again. We’ll probably be forties.” It’s highly doubtful the reunion will take place at K&M.

Was I carded? Yes, doormen are no joke in The Shire.
Age appropriate? Maybe if you’re a man watching a basketball game during daylight hours. Otherwise stay far away.

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